People who study religion have a name for a certain kind of child; they call them eleven-year-old atheists. Children at eleven have a finely tuned fairness antenna. “That’s not fair,” they say, trembling with the absolute unfairness of it all. Some of these kids end up wondering why God doesn’t have the same sense of fairness. If God is so great, why doesn’t He fix everything?
I didn’t have faith as a child. My mom was lapsed Catholic, my dad an atheist. I “got saved” my first year in college and spent the next 35 years in fundamentalist-type churches bordering on cultish dogma and behavior. Six years ago my youngest came out of the closet followed soon by my eldest. Having two children dear to my heart opposing everything the church proclaimed- forced a reckoning of my heart and soul. I left. It was hard. Now, I am still learning to live without the dogma and fear but also without the safety and certainty of belonging and the destination of heaven now a memory. Seeking the stability of self trust and peace. It’s a journey. Sometimes dark and lonely, other times glimpses of light and peace.🕊
This is interesting. I've actually been wondering recently why I never doubted the existence of God. I have doubted pretty much everything else about Christianity, but not that. I remember once when I was going through an exceptionally tough time I was actually wishing I would not believe in Him as that would make things easier--not as personal, I guess. But the belief stayed.
Maybe it's the disposition. I was a happy child (then I went to school). I have that extra something in the brain that scientists say is responsible for the happy feeling. Or maybe it's the gratitude. Czesław Miłosz wrote once that a grateful person will always believe in God. Or maybe it's just a good relationship with my Dad. I have no idea.
Looking forward to reading you. Hugs to the 11-year-old girl.
I didn’t have faith as a child. My mom was lapsed Catholic, my dad an atheist. I “got saved” my first year in college and spent the next 35 years in fundamentalist-type churches bordering on cultish dogma and behavior. Six years ago my youngest came out of the closet followed soon by my eldest. Having two children dear to my heart opposing everything the church proclaimed- forced a reckoning of my heart and soul. I left. It was hard. Now, I am still learning to live without the dogma and fear but also without the safety and certainty of belonging and the destination of heaven now a memory. Seeking the stability of self trust and peace. It’s a journey. Sometimes dark and lonely, other times glimpses of light and peace.🕊
This is interesting. I've actually been wondering recently why I never doubted the existence of God. I have doubted pretty much everything else about Christianity, but not that. I remember once when I was going through an exceptionally tough time I was actually wishing I would not believe in Him as that would make things easier--not as personal, I guess. But the belief stayed.
Maybe it's the disposition. I was a happy child (then I went to school). I have that extra something in the brain that scientists say is responsible for the happy feeling. Or maybe it's the gratitude. Czesław Miłosz wrote once that a grateful person will always believe in God. Or maybe it's just a good relationship with my Dad. I have no idea.
Looking forward to reading you. Hugs to the 11-year-old girl.