Tiptoeing into a Grand Old Tradition
You can find natural religion within the Christian tradition.
My Natural Religion blog is about natural religion, what it is, and where you find it. Recently I did a couple of posts about Christianity. Yes, you can find natural religion within the Christian tradition! However, writing about one of the grand traditions brought up for me, what shall I call this, deep etiquette rules. How do you conduct yourself in a big, old tradition such as Christianity (or Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and smaller ones, too) and still be true to your soul?
Let’s say you want more spirituality in your life and long for some spiritual community. Perhaps, you read my post on St. Brigid, where I mentioned that Episcopalians are into Celtic spirituality. You decide to check out the Episcopalian Church. I would love to think I had such an influence! So let’s pretend and make me happy.
You attend a local Episcopalian church for Mass on Sunday, and you like it. The mass is rich with ceremony, but you are intrigued rather than put off. The priest is a funny woman, and the people seem great. You start going regularly.
You aren’t quite ‘getting’ everything, and there are actions and concepts you don’t like or understand. At first, you don’t mind. All the good stuff is so good that you ignore your own confusion. But as the honeymoon wears off, it becomes harder not to notice certain things. In fact, they are beginning to bug you. Instead of St. Brigid at the front of the church, there is a big old cross with Jesus hanging on it. The cross isn’t your favorite symbol, especially with a suffering, tortured body on it. And not ALL the people are great. Some are pretty annoying.
What to do?
Let's get the obvious stuff out of the way. Yes, you can just move on. There is no shame in that. Maybe you jumped in too quickly, and this isn’t for you. Picking a religious community mimics romantic dating. I remember going out on first dates and thinking I was in love. The next date – not so much. The same thing can happen with communities. Was it them, or was it me? It's hard to know sometimes. Just like with dating, there are times when it’s better to slow it down a bit, get under the emotions, and explore whether you are compatible or not.
Upon reflection, you decide to give it a more robust try. Can I make this work? Do I want to? This is when you need to consider some techniques for going forward and employ deep etiquette.
What is deep etiquette? It's how you treat your grandmother (Warning! Metaphor switch! We aren't dating anymore). Your grandmother is cool, but she is your grandmother. She is intelligent, but she doesn’t change her mind quickly. Some of the ways she moves in the world are because of her long history. She picked up attitudes and habits that don’t always fit with your contemporary life. Sometimes she is willing to give them up, other times not so much. In your grandmother, you can put up with it. But a church is different. You have to feel it is your church. To be a natural religion person in a Christian Church you have to feel like Gran is listening to you. She needs to communicate that she isn’t trying to control you.
There is a corollary here. You need to accept that there will be differences between you and the church. You must move, as you would with grandma, a little slower and more thoughtfully. You cut grandma slack sometimes – where you wouldn’t with your friends. If that is too much work, or makes you feel too inauthentic, a ‘big old tradition’ is probably not for you.
Let's go through your objections and strategize. Is there a way to handle the ways of this religious system without giving up your own unique take?
You aren’t fond of the cross. What are some ways to ‘deal’ with the cross without leaving? Because crosses are in front of all Christian Churches, they aren’t going to be taking them down. Start by holding your feelings about the cross as lightly as you can while you explore. You have a valid point whatever it is: Is the cross too violent or represents a regressive theology? The idea is not to try and change your mind or the church but put it in perspective.
Starting with the minister, talk to others in the church about your feelings about the cross. You might begin with a simple inquiry; what does the cross mean? Does she, or others, allow you to have different feelings? Some people will care because they have affection or spiritual meaning invested in that symbol you don’t like. However, will this church permit you to have a dissenting opinion? This is important. Will they let you be yourself?
Additionally, you can try learning more about the cross as a symbol. Sometimes when you learn more, it complexifies the narrative and your reactions soften. This knowledge can sometimes change your own mind. You, then, are changing your mind rather than being coerced or jollied into something. However, be prepared to be even more horrified than you were before! Christian history is not for the faint of heart.
Finally, get involved in classes and spiritual practices offered by your new church representing the positive spiritual ideas you care about. What drew you and where do you fit? It’s possible that all these, I don’t like this, I don’t like that, feelings are being driven by something else. You may be ready to be a bigger part of the community, or you are interested in going deeper, and you haven’t received an invitation.
Not ALL the people are great. Some are pretty annoying. This one doesn’t require any visits to the minister or education. It doesn’t require anything from you except realism. Obnoxious people are a part of any religious community. Any spiritual community worth joining has doors open to all. Their doors were open to you. You can look at this as a feature, not a deficit. After all, Christianity at its best is about love.
If you have experienced any of this, please share. I would love to hear from you about whether you stayed or left.
I left Christianity over 40 years ago. I could not be told I was a sinner just because I existed (and this was before I came out). Wicca was good, but I wanted community. Then I found Unitarian Universalism. I could be an open lesbian and accepted. I could explore Wicca, Buddhism, and Christianity to my fill my emotional and spiritual space. I found a community of like minds, one that really cared about the world, people and animals. Yes, there are some disappointments But, overall it is where my heart and soul are. Just going to a Catholic service with my family reminds me how much I love my faith, Unitarian Universalism
Really enjoying your posts, especially that they aren't time sensitive. This particular one is something I could refer others to if I knew they were searching.